


The sun is shining and the birds are singing

by soulhead



Series: Footage de gueule [5]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M, Soulmates, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 04:42:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18175991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulhead/pseuds/soulhead
Summary: and because today is the very last day of my existence, they will sing forever.





	The sun is shining and the birds are singing

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a Draxembe fic since the beginning of december and I could never manage to find an idea that fitted them...Then I had this idea and I just couldn't stop writing about it. I'm really happy that it's the first fic that take places in a universe slightly different than ours. The whole world building was a challenge for me ! 
> 
> Inspired by http://asofterstadium.tumblr.com/post/153638742584/madanach-listen-while-you-can

Seelenverwandte, âme-soeur, soulmate, anima gemella...

People obsess about them. There's whole testimonies of his kind turned into books, into televised documentaries, coworkers spend their morning breaks talking about those with the same condition as him, about the lasted labs that rised millions of dollars to conduct extensive studies to understand them.

And yet, despite all those words uttered about his kind, he doesn't recognize himself in any of them,never has and probably never will. There was no “This is it ! This is what I've been experiencing ! “ crossing his mind during his research of the phenomenon. There was only a strong feeling of inadequacy and of resentment, plaguing him like a second skin.

He's lucky to be above the ever so lonely condition of life. It's a mantra he repeats himself over and over : to be one part of another human being is a blessing, it's something to be cheered. And it is !

There's no way to accurately describe it. Of all the words used for to talk about soulmates, Julian thinks he like the german or even the french one the best : “âme soeur” : souls that are sisters. Souls so alike and familiar with each other once they cross path that an indivisible and invisible links forges itself between them,that their respective emotions start to become the common ground in which they interacts.

It's what he always heard, what he always read about....Is he the exception that confirms the rule ? Is there something so fundamentally unworthy of love, so disappointing, boring in him that explains his predicament ? Soulmates where supposed to be the last remnants of a world bigger, crazier and brighter than the one they now live in. He heard so much about it, listening intently to all the testimonies he could get his hands on. He searched and searched for one single evidence of one of his kind experiencing the same plight, but all the writings almost taunt him.

Instead of explaining what is happening to him and his soulmate, he hurts himself by reading countless essays retelling how as both soul nurture their bond, vividly sharing waves of exultation to their counterpart, their bond almost start to fell tangible to the exterior. An aura grows around them, unconsciously telling people that what is happening is bigger than life, bigger than themselves. He tortures himself by reading entire books that waste pages and pages to describe how their bond should get so strong, their shared beatitude so potent that a a little bit of their glee should start pouring to the people around them.

_"Look at all the things other soulmates experience and that you'll never even have !"_

He's not crazy, he read this information over and over with different words, so where is it ? Where is this aura that's supposed to radiate bliss for him and all the other people ?

Empires have been built by couple of soulmates. They have transcended social norms and were so revered that even recently, when it was inevitably revealed that two french footballers had formed a bond, people erupted in surprise and all that could be heard was that surely, with two soulmate in their ranks, France's national team could only win the word cup _and they did_ ! Adversities, conflicts and prejudices as strong as homophobia seemed to be small obstacles to overcome for soulmates.

That was the theory that haunted him, mocking him for being the exception of the rule. In practice, all this exaltation, this reverence around soulmate was something he had yet to experience, because he and his soulmate did not share such a strong and radiant bond.

No, their bond was weak, barely noticeable by himself and certainly transparent to his âme-soeur, Presnel.

* * *

Julian felt the first trace of the bond forming before he even joined PSG. His agent and VFL Wolfsburg are still in the process of finalizing his contract that something in him tells him he'll make the wrong move by signing to this club. He doesn't listen to this part of him, doesn't linger too much on the pressure in his abdomen when he agrees to the transfer.

One year later, PSG approach him with an offer and this time, he lends an ear to the nagging in his head that implore him to go to this club, the same that made him focus to his french lesson during his schooling. There's something inexplicable that pulls him to Paris and at 21 he feels like he is ready to finally understanding where that came from.

Before he even realize it, he's in the capital of France, shaking his soulmate's hand.

He would have been brought to tears right here, like a lunatic, surrounded by his new teammates if it was not for Presnel's following greeting :

" Salut frêre, bienvenue au PSG ! You want to show me around the locker room ?”

”O..Oui merci beaucoup” he manages to say, barely swallowing the rising panic wrenching his mind.

There's something wrong.

It's not supposed to be like that.

Meeting your soulmate, your âme-soeur...It's not something you can gloss over by a simple greeting. He want to hold this other part of him with all his might, wants to laugh, to scream, to celebrate yet Presnel's face isn't reflecting that frenzy.

So he follows him up, convinced that at some point Presnel will acknowledge the grandiosity of the situation or that he'll stop leading the way around the Camps des loges and just turn around to look, really look at Julian and understand that he's looking directly at his soulmate. But he doesn't.

Instead, Presnel ends up making him do a complete tour of the facility, introducing him to every passerby. Despite his rusty french, it is clear that a connection has already formed between him and Presnel, if the sincere and warm smile of his soulmate is anything to go by.

Julian convince himself it's just a matter of overcoming the different cultures in which they were raised. Maybe he's reading it all wrong and he just need to wait a little bit for Presnel to come to his senses ?

What should he do ? Should he say something ? Should he take the risk of rejection ? Of imposing himself on Presnel ? No, he can't. Presnel will eventually realize what they are. He must, he has to !

Right ?

****

In the beginning, he doesn't notice what he is doing. It's been three months that they have lived alongside one another and it's undeniable that Presnel has taken him under his wings, but it's not enough.

It's not enough.

The warm smile, the affectionate hugs, the discussions they have, the moments they share...Even if he knows he has a privileged relationship with Presnel : he wants more.

He wants everything.

And so, Julian starts tapping into their soulmate's link.

It starts small, one morning Presnel text him, complaining about his lack of motivation for training and the next thing he knows he's clutching his abdomen, his hand are trembling and he feels sweats running down his spine. It's a momentary pain and when he recovers from it, he hurriedly finish his meal and take off to the Camps des loges while trying to make sense to it all.

It's only halfway there that he notices that he has no motivation to train, compared to how he felt about training this morning. He didn't waste hours of his free-time reading every scientific articles about soulmates he could find to not understand what just it means.

Once again, another proof that something is deeply wrong : tapping into a soulmate bond, sharing feelings, is supposed to feel incredibly galvanizing. He dreamed about experiencing it with Presnel...It's supposed to create an amplifying echo of every sentiment : when one mate feels sadness, the other sends a joyous feelings, no matter how simple it is. The other one receive it and send it back. Each time the soulmates communicate like that, they distort and amplify the initial positive sentiment that was originally sent. At the end, all that the soulmates feel for a period of time are the tenfold reverberation of one single and simple feeling of happiness.

Right ? That's why their sentiment start to be almost visible by other people and it's the reason they are so revered around the world, not because they cause one part of the bond to clutch their chest at random times !

As he puzzlingly recalls those facts and what he experienced, he feels his whole body turns cold.

Of course, he feels none of the glee other soulmates lives on constantly once they meet each other. Between him and Presnel, no matter how well they go along, there's no real reciprocity, no possible reverberations.

He just gave away his motivation for today and got nothing back in return, except a single text from Presnel :

8 : 38 : putain mec, oublie ce que je viens de te dire, j'ai trop la motive pour aujourd'hui finalement lol

***

After this episode, he tries to avoid even thinking about their bond.

He's content just getting to know Presnel more and more and to spend time with him. After all, having a soulmate, even if their bond isn't working properly, even if Presnel unconsciously rejects it, it's an incredible experience.

Right  ?

***

It's now march 2018, him, Presnel and a small group of teammates have decided to enjoy their meal on the training ground instead of in the cantina.

"Guys seriously stop complaining and help me carry the plates ! I swear next time I'm only doing it with Julian, he's the only one helping and not being a bitch about it !" grumpily said Presnel

"Well actually Presnel, now that you said it, do we really need to go in the middle of the training ground ? You know the sun will end up giving me a headache !"

"Enough with you kids ! We need those vitamins D, we need to be exposed to the sun ! You know the sun ? This thing that keeps us and the whole planet alive and that anybody who aren't freaks like you guys enjoy ? It's not ev...”

Julian and their little group would have continued humoring Presnel's rant if it wasn't interrupted brutally by Kylian, squirting water from a bottle in their general direction and then trying to flee the scene, engaging he and half of their squad in an overly serious game of chase.

They scream, they laugh, they eat together and spend their free time like everything could be alright.

In this moment, Julian can almost foul himself. If he closes his eyes, concentrate on Presnel's close presence, he feels like he can pretend that their bond is perfectly normal. Everything could almost be perfect. He feels so warm and so content and it feels like all those months of anguish, of loneliness could be finally over.

"Hey Jule, you alright ?"

"Of course Presnel, why do you ask ?"

"You're crying !"

"Oh, yeah, the sun's really strong, I should have taken my sunglasses.."

"Aaaaaw poor Jules and his sensible little skin and his fragile blue eyes ! Let me shield you from the big mean sun !" exclaimed Presnel in a theatrical way before launching himself at him and imprisoning him in his grip, crushing him under his whole weight.

The spend the rest of the afternoon break like that, in each other arms. He's so deeply happy. His connection to his soulmate deepens and deepens as they create memories together. He never wants this moment to stop.

So why does he struggles so much to keeps his tears at bay ?

Because this moment will stop.

***

After that, a dam inside him break. He can't stop taping into their link and whenever he feel Presnel sad, he compulsively gives away a part of him.

It hurts just as much as the first time, but he doesn't care.

At first, it's little things he gives away. It's the love he has for a new song that he just discovered, he gives it away, sends Presnel a link to it via wattsapp and smiles when a few later Presnel calls him, gushing about this song and having already forgotten his previous gloominess.

He gives, he gives and he gives and he doesn't hold back anymore.

It's only one morning that he start measuring the implications of what he does every time he send away a positive emotion to his soulmate.

He's with Thilo, talking about what they'll do once the summer break is there and he hungrily bites into a snicker. He suddenly feels overwhelmed by the taste of ashes in his mouth.He hurriedly stands up to spit his mouth's content to the nearest bin.

"What the fuck man ? You almost knocked my bottle, you alright ?"

"Yeah, yeah it's just this one tasted so weird ? I must have left it in the sun too long, tasted like shit ! Sorry for frightening you !"

He manages to play it cool and once he's back in his home, he make a beeline to his kitchen to taste another chocolate bar and the exact ashy taste fill his mouth once again. He feels stupid for fretting over something so trivial, but until now he hadn't realized how giving away those little parcels of him was synonymous to erasing it.

He feels stupid, for all the research he did, not once did he read about this phenomenon.

Yet, there's no mysteries as in to why it happened. No later than yesterday, Presnel was feeling a little bit under the weather and complaining about how he hadn't eaten at all since the day before. All foods made him feel sick just by the sight of it. Julian, worrying what a training session on an empty stomach could do to Presnel, took the snack he always had with him and transferred all his usual appetence for it to him before handing the snicker to his soulmate.

It's always small things like that.

Until it isn't.

It's his friendship and deep affection to Eric Maxim when Presnel got angry at him during a match for being misplaced in the field and he feared a fight might happens. It's the hope they'll bounce back rapidly after losing against Manchester. It's his certainty of being more than just a footballer, of being someone else than just his career, of belonging to Paris.

It's everything else after that.

He can't stop. How could he ?

He can't stop because most humans spend their short time on earth alone, left to fend for themselves but he's not one of them. He was given the opportunity to shield the person he cherish the most in this world from the harshness of life. To be an invisible walking aid for Presnel. 

But most importantly, he can't stop because everytime he's close to Presnel, he's back to square one. All the feelings he gave away, whenever he's close to Presnel, they come back to him and everything falls into place.

Unfortunately, sometime there are weeks where Julian and Presnel don't see each-others and he can't bring himself to impose himself on his soulmate. It's been too long since he has first began to accept the evidence that yes, something in him must be the problem.

Despite them being soulmates, despite their undeniable connection on and off the pitch, maybe Julian was just never what Presnel needed. He'll never be able to change that.

Often, he's left alone, wondering anxiously about what will be left of him, after he'll have given all of the things that defined him, all the small comforts, the joys, the certitudes.

***

That day never seems to come and for the next few months, he manages to lives with less and less. He leads a lonely life, almost entirely deprived of any positive feelings. His anxieties and pessimism gnaws at his heart days and nights when he is alone.

But it's alright, if it's what it means to fulfill his duty as a soulmate.

He often wonders if the Julian who used to live in his body would be upset, if he could see what was left of him now.

Would he have accepted to be transferred to PSG if he knew meeting his soulmate would cost him this much ? He supposes he still would have, he vaguely remember he once used to be impulsive about pursuing things he liked, without thinking much about the consequences.

Yeah, he would have, going headfirst into this situation and history would have repeated itself a thousand times over.

Besides, he didn't give away everything.

No, he kept one single whim for himself, selfish as he ever was. It's the last remnant of himself that allows him to still pretends that he, Julian, still possess something positive outside of Presnel.

It's stupid really, but as he sits in his garden, he can't yet bring himself to grant to Presnel what courses trough him whenever birds lands near him. Two magpies are bathing in a small puddle left by this morning rain. They splash muddy water around them, not having a care in the world that a potential predator like him observes them.

Those little beings ignite in him a lightness, a freedom he hasn't felt since being weighted down by his unresponsive soulmate.

The other Julian, the old one who experienced everything with vibrant passion would find him so pathetic, living like this, sharing his days between time alongside Presnel to feel whole again and when it's over, obsessively listening and watching birds like an ornithologist.

Maybe he'll end up giving this feeling too one day.

No, he's sure of it.

But Presnel can wait just a little bit more before receiving it.

Just a little bit more.

And once he's done, once all is left of him when he's not in close contact with his soulmate is his anxieties, his bitterness and his weariness, he doesn't know what will come next.

Maybe he'll leave behind nothing more than a corpse, an empty shell. Maybe the last shreds of his spirit will float away, so light from giving away so much that he'll end up joining the magpies flock. Yes, that's maybe what will happen.

But for now on, as the two magpies are now disappearing into the sky, he'll stay here, feet firmly attached to the ground as the sun rise high into the sky and caress his skin.

Unconsciously, his mouth contorts into a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. It's the best he can do and for some more time he'll allow himself to relish it.

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first time I really try my hand at world building and explaining a fantasy concept like soulmates. I’ve tried to explain it in a way that integrated itself in the text and that helped giving understanding of how Julian felt. If you didn't understanding something, i'll happily explain it to you so feel free to ask !
> 
> Please leave a small kudo or a comment if you enjoyed it !


End file.
